AN ABOLITIONIST’S HANDBOOK - Yes! Magazine "A Handbook for Abolitionists"

Yes! Magazine | February 16, 2022

Patrisse Cullors’ new book offers guidance for personal, as well as systemic, change. Breaking the cycle of harm starts with us.

In her new book, An Abolitionist’s Handbook: 12 Steps to Changing Yourself and the World, Patrisse Cullors starts with courageous conversations. She says, “We have courageous conversations because our goal is to live inside of a healthy community that values the dignity of every single human being.” These conversations typically arise out of our lived experiences. They are conversations we have because we care. They are conversations that first start with us.

Like Cullors, I had one of my most formative courageous conversations with my mother. I wanted to know why child support was the reason my dad was in jail. I wanted to know what role each parent played in the process. I wanted to know what we could do to make things better. Unbeknownst to me, my mother had already decided that the costs of this punitive process far outweighed the benefits. She told the court she didn’t want court-ordered child support if this would be the outcome every time my father could not pay the full amount to my mother and my half-sister’s mother. Eventually, she told the court she didn’t want it at all. 

Through Cullors’ own story, she demonstrates how hard courageous conversations can be, especially with family, friends, other organizers, or elders in our communities. She points out that “Many of us, including myself, were taught in homes, places of worship, schools and many other institutions to hold back our words, not necessarily because someone explicitly told us to be secretive but rather because we witnessed all the adults around us who lacked the courage to be honest with themselves and others. This is not a judgment; it is an observation.” 

We replicate the behaviors around us. Challenging the status quo, even in conversation, even with our mothers, is hard and requires courage. To question deeply entrenched beliefs and values about each other and ourselves and to dismantle massive, violent systems requires tenacity and the readiness to understand the difference between responding to the world and reacting.

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